Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Eleven

11. Ok, so I can't count. Hey, I am an ENGLISH person, not math. (that's my excuse.)

What I am MOST grateful for is best conveyed in this song.

You did not wait for me to draw near to you, but you clothed yourself in frail humanity.
You did not wait for me to cry out to you, but you let me hear your voice calling me.
And I'm forever grateful to you, I'm forever grateful for the Cross.
I'm forever grateful to you that you came to seek and save the lost.

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Eight

8. I am grateful for HOPE. I have a friend who is expecting a baby. They have faced some pretty bad stuff with other pregnancies. I was praying for her and the word that kept popping into my head was "HOPE". I pray HOPE for her, that with this baby, a new beginning would occur.
I thought about our lives and the horrible ordeal we endured this last year. (Monday will be one year ago that we got the devastating news that Rachel would not live.) Yet, in it all, we were given HOPE and we held on to that hope. We still hold onto that HOPE for Rachel and the rest of our children. So today, I am grateful for HOPE.

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Seven

7. I am grateful for our extended family, most of whom we will see in a few days. All of John's family and most of mine live in the area and we are very blessed to have a good relationship with all of them. They are involved in our kids' lives and in our lives. Josh LOVES to go down to Ma's house (Grandma Mischler) and have lunch with Baba (Grandpa). Seriously, that is his FAVORITE thing to do! Too cute!!

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Six

6. I know I didn't write yesterday.That's because I was too busy with my family. We had a nice, leisurely morning, then we all went to Wal-Mart. We came home and ate lunch. I made milkshakes. We played Battleship. We had a great time and that it what I am thankful for #6...FUN FAMILY TIME.

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Six

6. I am grateful for TODAY. This past summer my mom had some really hard days fighting her cancer. There were days she'd say to me,"I don't think I'll make it through this." My response to her was that I couldn't promise tomorrow, only today. Today was a hard fight, but she would live.
I am reminded of that as I look at Rachel. I do not know what the future holds for her, how the Spina Bifida will affect her tomorrow, but for today, she is doing great.
I think about it as I look at each of my other kids. I do not know what tomorrow holds for their health, but I know that today, they are healthy and strong.
I think about it for myself and John. I do not know what tomorrow holds in store for us, but I know that today is a good day.
I can spend my time worrying about what may happen tomorrow, and, though preparation is good, it often leads me to frustration and doubt. All I know is that TODAY is a good day!

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Five

I am grateful for my miracle-baby, Rachel and her sweet, gentle spirit. As the youngest, Rachel is the brunt of her siblings' love. In fact, I am not sure who pokes and prods her more, her doctors or her siblings, but she bears it all well, never complains, never fusses. She is such a joy!

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Four

4. I am grateful for my younger son, Josh. Now that the older two are in school and Rachel is an easy-going baby, I get to spend time with and see a whole different side to Josh. I am really enjoying that. He makes me laugh, too. When I was pregnant, I walked with a limp, often holding my back. Josh loves to walk like that and say, "I be mommy." He has a good heart and is very easy-going.

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Three

I am so grateful for my older daughter, Rebekah. She has such a joy inside of her; she is often singing to herself. I love the way she is so protective of her little sister and is such a wonderful helper. She always wants to help me while I am cooking, often just tasting whatever I am making. She likes to play a game with me. She wants me to say, "How did you get so cute?" and when I ask her that, she says, "Because you love me".

Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day Two

2. I am grateful for my first-born, Benjamin and his good, kind heart. I love how he loves his brother and sisters (well, he loves them MOST of the time). As first-born, he's become the product of a nervous mother (as all first-borns are), yet he is growing in grace and wisdom. He makes me so proud!

The Eleven Days of Gratitude: Day One

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is just next week, eleven days away. As I prepare my kitchen, my house and my recipes, I need to prepare my heart. This last year has been BY FAR the hardest for John and me, but it has also brought us the most blessing and numerous things to be grateful for. I know I do a lot of complaining on here, but I endeavor to write about only what I am grateful for over the next eleven days (surely I can find eleven things?). So here goes...

1.I am so grateful for an amazing husband who loves me exactly as I am, yet sees the potential of what I can be. He is just perfect for me, helps me laugh at myself, challenges me, calls me on my inconsistencies, and walks with me. Without him, none of "this" would have meaning, purpose or be nearly as fun.

Wise Words

Here are two cute sayings I read on another blog. I think you'll appreciate them, especially parents.

When your children are babies, they are so sweet and cute, you just want to take a bite out of them and gobble them up. Then when they're teenagers, you'll wish you had eaten them!

In parenting, the years go by quickly, but the days go by slowly.

The Desert

I know I've asked you to listen to the song before. I've shared the words. I think that this song, more than any other, conveys the road I feel I've traveled.

I have been in the desert where all I feel is dryness. I feel there's nothing there. I have nothing to give.

I have been in the battle where I feel victory is still on it's way.

I have been in the harvest where peace and favor and providence flow. I love the line that says, "I know I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I've recevied I must sow."

A few weeks ago, I was in the middle of the desert. I shared that with you and you prayed and encouraged me.
Now, I feel as if I am getting into the harvest. And I know that as part of the harvest, the seed I've received I must sow.

So, I share with you some of those who are in the desert and are in need of some prayers. My heart is so heavy for them...

* Pray for a friend (Christy) who was 20 weeks pregnant with her fourth child and lost him last night. When she told me she was pregnant, she said to me, "I'm trying to keep up with you." And I thought to myself, "You do not want to compare yourself and this fourth pregnancy to me in anyway." Now, she is experiencing that heart-dropping loss.

*Pray for a friend (Stephanie) whose baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. (I shared her infomation a few days ago.) I have talked to her a few times. Her big dilemma right now is whether to do the amnio or not. Pray that God would make it very clear to her.

*Pray for a friend (Christa) whose triplet is showing signs of neurological problems. They have been referred to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. She had a gut feeling and the doctors kept dismissing her. GOOD FOR HER for listening to her gut!

*Pray for a friend (Kristy) who is pregnant with her fifth baby, two of whom did not live. As she nervously goes to each doctor appointment, she is remembering the birthdate of her second son (who lived for 6 days) and the one year anniversary of when she got the bad news regarding her fourth son (who lived 35 minutes).

*Pray for my new friend (Janna) who is due in February with a Spina Bifida baby. She is scared and exctied. I well remember those feelings.

*Pray for my new friend (Tiffany) who just brought home her new son, also with Spina Bifida. Those first few days with a newborn are hard enough, let alone getting used to the special needs of an SB baby. (By the way, I firmly believe that ALL babies have "special needs"...some have more than others!)

These are just my list of moms and babies. I have numerous others I am remembering in prayer with many other needs.

My heart is heavy. My eyes are raw from tears. My faith is in a God who sees this heartache and loves and walks with us.

Friday Morning Funnies

Here are a few things to make you chuckle...

I am having Rebekah take a "rest" in the afternoon while I try to put Josh and Rachel down for a nap. Rebekah often doesn't want to take a rest. Her current response to me:
"Mommy, God doesn't want us to sleep during the day. He wants us to sleep at night." If only she would actually SLEEP at night!


Yesterday, Josh was pulling John's suitcase around the house (John just returned from a trip).
As he pulled the suitcase he said, "I be Daddy. I go work. I buy ice cream." I guess you know what he thinks John does all day. ;)

A Little Bit of Good News

Rachel had an appointment with Shriner's today for an X-ray and physical therapy. It seems that the hip brace is working the way we had hoped it would! Yah!! Thank you God!

Please Pray

When we were going through everything with Rachel, I got connected to a local MOMS group at Grace Church in McKean. The ladies were wonderful and prayed for us and brought us meals. There was one mom in particular who was so kind and gracious. She brought us a meal (maybe two?) and called me a few times.
I just found out that Stephanie and her husband are only 14 weeks along in her pregnancy, and they just found out that the baby is not expected to live, Trisonomy 18. She just found out on Tuesday and, since she goes to the same practice in Erie that I do, she saw Dr. Giles, the special "high risk" doctor who tracked me and delivered Rachel. He is so wonderful and I am so thankful that she is seeing him.
I have not talked to Stephanie yet, but I understand that the testing came back, but there's more testing to be done.
PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM! Having jsut gone through this a year ago, my heart aches for her.

Thinking...

I hope to be able to convey exactly what I was thinking...

Part of the reason I have been so upset with Rachel's diagnosis and feeling so responsible is because for a good year before I got pregnant with her, I made HUGE strides to live a healthier life...I gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy and never lost it, so by the time I had Josh, I was huge and ready for a change. I joined Weight Watchers and learned to eat healthier. I joined the YMCA and regularly exercised three times a week. I lost 70 pounds by the time I got pregnant with Rachel. I was 10 pounds lighter than when I got married and 20 pounds lighter than when I got pregnant with Benjamin. I felt great and had TONS of energy. I was regularly taking my vitamins.
We also were being very proactive about living healthier. I wrote a post about this before, but we got rid of a lot of everyday chemicals. I grew a garden. I line-dried all my clothes.
Even after we found out about her birth defect, I exercised every day, cut out sugar (as much as possible) and ate healthy. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I have never done drugs. I don't even take cold medicine or drink caffeine.

Overall, this should have been (and was) my healthiest pregnancy.

When Rachel was born (and even before, in utero) the doctors continued to be amazed by how well she was doing. Yes, she had Spina Bifida and Hydrocephelus, but she was, by far, the healthiest "birth defect" baby they had ever seen.
Before Rachel's birth, we were told she would be in the hospital for at least a week but probably two. She came home in less than a week. She probably could've come home sooner but because of the weekend, the people we needed to see to get her out of there were not available.
We were told the her surgery would be within the first few days of her life. It was done within 8 hours of her birth.
Rachel scored a 9 out of 10 on her Apgar score and no one ever scores a 10.
Rachel never had any pain medication after her birth (except for once it was given as a preventative measure).
Rachel NEVER cried from the pain.
Even now, our doctors are amazed at how well she is doing.

Here's my point, at times I have been so down, feeling responsible for Rachel's birth defect. I tried to do everything possible but still failed.
Maybe I need to start looking at it as all the good I did for Rachel. Maybe her condition would've been much worse if I hadn't been so proactive? Maybe instead of feeling responsible for her defect, I should start taking some responsibility for her health. I was just thinking...

It's amazing what just a little bit of sleep and a little bit of sunshine can do. I got a little bit of both today and am as light as a feather...well, not literally (though I wish!).

Rachel is just as happy as can be. Here's the latest picture of her.

She was a little lady bug fof Halloween.