The Stuff True Love Is Made Of...

Yesterday I came across my first crush on the Internet. Ok, it was on Facebook. I know a lot of people have gotten themselves into trouble through the Internet, but let me tell my story.

When I was in 4th grade, I was IN LOVE with a kid named Chris. He was SO CUTE, but more than that, he was nice. It was a crush. Fast forward 30 (give or take) years...

A friend had him as a friend on Facebook. I looked at his (locked) profile and all I could see was his picture. He is still just as adorable as ever. Can you really call an almost-40-year-old "adorable"? Well, if you can, Chris fits the description.

When I saw his picture, all those 4th grade butterflies came back. "Oh, he's so dreamy!"

I logged off the computer and went right upstairs. The first thing I did, was tell my husband...EVERYTHING. I don't have plans to cheat or leave my husband, but it always starts with a little something left out. So, I always make it a point to have full disclosure with John when I see and old boyfriend or have a dream about someone...just to be SAFE.

Here's the point:

As I was going to sleep, I started to think about Chris, and believe me, all I have to go on is a picture. I have no idea where he is, what he does, if he has kids, if he is a believer, if he beats his wife. But as I was going to sleep, I was wondering these things, and found it VERY easy to imagine him happy, in a great job, and still just as nice a guy as he was in 4th grade.

I started thinking that it would be very easy to walk away from my life and step into his.

But here's the thing, Chris hasn't seen me and my bed head, or when I've not showered in days, or when I am *super* cranky. He wasn't there and held my hand as my daughter went through surgery. He didn't hold me as I wept when I found out my daughter's feet don't work. He doesn't really have a history with me. He doesn't know me, and I don't know him.

This past Valentines Day, I was up at 3am cleaning up puke. Guess who was right beside me cleaning up the puke? Not Chris. It was my husband, John.

Yes, this life I have is full of a lot of stress and strain, but it's the life I have, the life I have **CHOSEN** to walk...with John.

Cleaning up puke at 3 am is not glamorous, but it is the stuff true love is made of.

Things I've Learned from Spina Bifida

As I was putting Rachel down to bed last night, I realized that her AFO's needed some adjustments. The velcro was coming off; the moleskin was wearing thin; the straps needed some trimming. So, I sat down to do the work of refurbishing an AFO, and I realized, this is something I couldn't do "before".

In many ways, my life has been sliced right down the middle, now marked by "before" and "after".

Now, I can refurbish an AFO. I ever KNOW what an AFO is and does.

Now, I can tell you what "Myelomeningocele" means. Heck, I can even spell it without looking it up.

Now, I can insert a cath, at least for a little girl.

Now, I can rearrange my schedule to fit in four therapy sessions week.

Now, I can fully explain Hydrocephelus, a VP shunt and tell you the signs to look for a malfunction.

Now, I do a butt-flap.

Now, I can get in three massages on little toes that don't wiggle.

Now, I think ahead and make sure there will be a cart (store) or take my stroller.

Now, I know that sneakers are really the only shoe option for my little girl. No cute little sandals or little ballet flats.

I know to find shoes that fit well over her AFO's.

Now, I can put on a rhino brace for the hips. (And by the way, wouldn't it make more sense to call it a "hippo brace"?)

Now, I can laugh.

Now, I can be thankful for life.

Now, I can praise God for everyday gifts.

Now, I can find beauty in the malformed.

Now, I know that life is more than feet that work.

Happy 4th Birthday J-MAN!!!!

Dear Joshy,

Today you are four years old! Where has the time gone? Is seems like just yesterday that you were a sleepy little baby, and now, you are a "Star Wars boy", always saying something to make me laugh or smile!! I love you!!!