New

It's a new year, a new decade, a new day...so many unspoken possibilities...

I think about what my life was like a decade ago. I was a single, lonely girl with no husband-prospects, thinking I was destined to live my life alone when all I really wanted was a husband and children.

Here I am ten years later with my cup so full, it splashes over. This has been the BEST decade of my life. Period. Spina Bifida and all. There have been some things that have knocked the wind out of me, sending me to my knees but nothing that has felled me.

Why? you may ask? You were given some horrible news this past decade, things people never should hear. You are still dealing with the aftermath of that disaster and, unfortunately, will be for the rest of this earthly life...and your daughter will too...

(Here's my response...)

Therefor, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary trouble (yes, even Spina Bifida!) is achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes, not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (II Cor 4:16-18)

Life stinks, for all of us...I am not ignorant of that fact.

BUT, I also am very cognizant of the fact that there is a God who passionately loves me.

I find that I get the most depressed about Rachel's condition when I start thinking about it, when I focus on how tired I am, how much works it is for her, how far behind she is, how much my back aches when carrying her...when I focus on all that, I am overwhelmed.

But when I fix my eyes on Jesus, and think that we all CAN endure this for a little while, and I think about all she will be able to do in Heaven, I can go on, and yes, I may even have some joy.

**By the way, I am convinced that God has the biggest and the best playground reserved in Heaven for kids like my daughter, kids who are never going to fully use the playgrounds here on earth. Heaven's playground has the tallest slide, that reaches waaaayyyyy up into the sky, and the longest monkey bars...

My hope is in the fact that *this* is not as good as it gets, that there is a God who walks with us here and gives us hope for tomorrow through the person of Jesus Christ....

See, we forget one of God's specialties...He makes it all new!!!!

Winter!

Merry Christmas!!

The WORD became flesh and made his dwelling among us...

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! May you know the nearness of the person of Jesus the Christ!

Love, John, Melanie, Benjamin, Rebekah, Joshua and Rachel

Happy Birthday Mr. Biggie!!

Dear Benjamin,

Happy 7th Birthday, little love! I am so excited for you to be turning 7, but in many ways, it feels as if you are far older. I guess that what happens when you're the oldest!

I am so so so so glad that you are my first born. What a great kid you are!! You really have a good heart and are so kind. Ok, I know that Joshy and Keky get on your nerves, but you really do well with them. You can be patient, and I am amazed at how well you share with them.

And you are so kind to Rachel. I know that you love her a lot, and you love to take care of her. That will always make my heart melt a little bit.

You are doing really well in school. I know that you don't love it and would rather be playing Star Wars or playing your video games, but I am proud of you for hanging in there and going, even when you don't want to. You have really put forth a good effort!

I know that it's hard that your birthday is the day before Christmas. I am really sorry! If I had known you would be more than a week (almost two) overdue and then be born by C-section, I would have had you a lot earlier. I know that your special day seems to get lost in all the Christmas frenzy.

I want you to know that I love you so much and am so proud of you! You are such a great kid, and I thank God every day that you are mine! I love you!!! Mommy

Two Years

This coming Monday marks a day, two years ago, when our world changed forever. A routine ultrasound would show massive problems with the baby I was carrying. At the time, we were told she would not survive to birth; we would have to consider termination.

Unless you have faced a similar situation (which unfortunately, I know, too many of you have), you cannot even to begin to understand the gut-wrentching, horrific, physical pain associated with that. Because it was such a traumatic time in our life, I try not to remember and mark it. Even though our situation turned out completely the opposite and I have reason to only have joy, even remembering that time brings back all the physical pain.

From that Monday until our appointment with the specialist Wednesday morning, I tried to focus my mind on the one fact that held me together: one of my four children would be with Jesus, secure in Heaven forever. I was lead to a song, "Glory Baby" by Watermark. I have put that as the first song on my playlist on this page. I warn you: it is a very difficult song to listen to, and please feel free to turn it off. But in those three days, I listened to this song over and over and over and over and over and wept and wept and wept and wept. As the lyrics say, "Let sweet Jesus hold you till Mom and Dad can hold you. You'll just have Heaven before we do."

Three days later, on the Wednesday following Thanksgiving, we went to a specialist in Pittsburgh, fully expecting him to encourage us to terminate, even that day. But instead, we got the greatest gift and surprise of our life: Rachel would live. And because of that, because *we* recognize God's proximity and intervention throughout the entire time, when Rachel was born **ALIVE** on a Tuesday morning, April 15th (yes, tax day), we named her Rachel Elianna. The name Elianna means "God has answered my prayer".

Interestingly enough, the same artists that sang the song I wept over, also wrote a song called "Elianna", the second song on my playlist. As those lyrics say, "The tenderness of God is twirling around in our living room tonight."

As I remember two years ago and the extremes of emotions, these two songs mark the beginning and, well, the other beginning of that time. All I have to say now is "GLORY TO GOD!!!!!"

This is My Life...

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

(by Nichole Nordeman)