Bad Thoughts

I told John that I have been having bad thoughts lately. In an extremely concerned voice, he asked, "What kind?"
"I want another baby!" I said.

We've been here before (about three other times...). When the baby is around a year old, they are SO cute, so much easier to take care of, and I am finally feeling better and recovered from pregnancy and the aftermath. I start thinking that I could handle another one...

The problem with having these thoughts now are that we have "taken measures" so as not to have another child.

It's not that we don't want more kids. I have explained it like this: We would LOVE more kids, IF so many things were different. And it's not even the fact of Rachel having a birth defect. Number one would be: I am OLD and just don't have the energy that I think I do! I try to fool myself, but the reality is that pregnancy is hard on me and I just don't bounce back that easily. It takes me a good year to recover from it all.

We are still in the "baby mode" with Rachel, but she will soon be out of it. I think that once she is, and we get used to life without a baby, we'll be ok. Until then, I need to resist the urge and just live vicariously through others having wee little ones!
(PS...I have already purged all of the baby stuff! Who knew there was so much baby junk??)